At the end of 2011, in an interview with La Croix magazine, the sociologist François de Singly * explained the "bad reputation" of thechild unique in the following way: "thechild unique has never been a model. This is partly explained by nationalistic and religious reasons. There are indeed two negative representations associated with thechild unique in the history of France. The first, at the time of the War of 1870, when small families, who do not repopulate the country enough, are stigmatized. And the second, after the 1914 war, when Catholics will defend the large family as an image of the open family, opposed to the small family that would be self-centered and selfish.
Tips and advice
- Surround him with his fellows. "It is important that this child do not be isolated, that he has friends to allow him to live the equivalent of brotherly love, "recommends Professor Marcel Rufo in the Bible of Education, child (Hachette family). Thus, cousins, neighbors and friends will largely compensate for the absence of brothers and sisters. Moreover, do not hesitate to send him to sleep with cousins / friends who have brothers and sisters so that he can experience the family life within a family and bet on your family. expanded. But never lose sight of that child unique will keep for life this feeling of inner solitude very strong that characterizes it.
- Be available. Excited by the games and emotions he shares with the children of his age at school, a child unique will often want to "extend the experience at home with its parents ". So do not rely solely on the school to "fill" its loneliness and need for exchange and interaction: give it your time (to go to the pool, zoo, amusement park) and share with him your adult activities (such as chores or DIY).
- Explain to him why he is alone. "Around 4-5 years oldchild asks its parents why he is alone. Simply explain to him the motivations and reasons that led you to not want or have other children. He needs this truth. What he looks for in asking you this question is not necessarily a need for companionship, he probably wants to know why his family does not conform to that of his best friend or his cousins. You can also point out that status is not only disadvantages, "says the child psychiatrist.
- Empower him ... without asking too much. Like the others children, a child unique must learn the concepts of sharing and participation. Ask him to put the table or help you take care of the garden, without asking him to do too much. So lighten up his minister's schedule to allow him to live his life and his activities.child.
- Be careful not to over-invest. If these children "Particularly incubated and supervised by their parents "Generally show" a rate of exceptional academic success "as Marcel Rufo recalls, it is double-edged. Indeed, by dint of feeling that they are the only fruit of all the investments and ambitions of their parents, the children are likely to "put the pressure" on them and pass on the desires of their parents before theirs.
Parents isolated: be careful not to make your child unique your confidant.
* and author of Sociology of the contemporary family (Armand Colin).