February 28, 2020

Catherine Laborde tells us about infidelity

The sweet joy ... You mean the atrocious suffering?
Evidently atrocious suffering ... but also sweet joy! It took me a whole book to talk about it because it is difficult to explain. She is not masochistic. It is a joy that comes after suffering and exceeds it.
Thelove knows a lot of obstacles, but the ordeal of fire is deception. If we manage to overcome it, it's becauselove is still there. This joy comes from the awareness that we still love. If this vibration is always present after such a test, it is because thelove is strong enough.

A passing, OK ... but a followed adventure?
It's the same. There is no difference between a knife and a dagger. It's always a hurt that hurts. Who can say that a one-night pass will not be a story oflove dazzling?

So there is nothing to forgive?
No. To forgive him would mean that he is reproached for being what he is. In loveyou need a very strong ethic, but you can only refer to yourself. You have to be damn free for that.

But if a man loves you, how can he bear your suffering?
That's his problem, it's not mine. But when he cheats on me, it's not against me. He does that for him. We are deceiving because we are attracted to someone, not to hurt their spouse.
Grudge attacks are often unavoidable in these cases, but it is useless to maintain them and to blame the other. It is better to go away and be wary of any demonstration of your suffering.

Theinfidelity is it inevitable?
No, I do not think so. But I only met unfaithful men. Either I drew them or I made them, I do not know ... But I can understand why they were unfaithful. When they are the most beautiful, the most intelligent you like ... Forcibly, they are coveted by other women.

Do you dream of a faithful man?
No, I dream of the man I love, but no loyalty. I dream that thelove between the two of us still lasts. I think that one can remain vigilant without building his couple in the mode of constraints and oaths. I do not believe it. And it seems to me that one can not ask the other to be faithful, because it is his freedom.

And you, do you take this freedom?
No, I'm not mistaken, but it's not for moral reasons. Simply, I do not know. When I fall in love, I put all my energy into it. It's a question of personal functioning.

What would you advise to the deceived women?
What I find most dangerous in this situation is the loss of self-esteem. That's what you have to save first.
At the very beginning, it's mostly the eyes of others that hurt, but it does not matter. Although it's hard not to think about it.
I would advise women not to follow any advice, to trust each other. Tell them that we can always go beyond pain, to move to a new love, to live again this love.

The sweet joy of being cheated from Catherine Laborde
Editions Anne Carrière



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