How do we know if we are ready for great love?
Françoise Dorn, master practitioner in NLP, psychotherapist and author of several books including Exercise books to meet the love published by ESF has answered our questions.
What is the main question to ask yourself if you are ready for great love?
The big questions to ask are: Do I know myself well? Am I in the opening compared to a meet ? Have I identified who I am? My values ? Do I seek control and I want to master the other, or can I trust and really be in the other person's home?
Should one have lost his illusions about the couple and / or the prince charming to be ready to meet love?
Yes and no. Because often when we meet the great love is that there were failures before because of illusions. It is necessary to keep one part of dream but also to accept that the other is different. This is the most important ingredient to succeed in your life as a couple: accept difference. This implies removing his pink glasses and seeing the other with his reality.
How far can limiting beliefs about the opposite sex be a brake on love?
Behind the limiting beliefs, there are always fears. Also, it is important to identify them to tame and evolve them to evolve my ability to meet love. For example, by repeating, "men are all cowards" or "women are all teases", we see love with deforming glasses. Beliefs about oneself, the other, but also the environment can be a hindrance to meet. Because if I am in fear, I am in the defenses and not in the opening.
Do you have a clear idea of your expectations of the couple and the ideal partner to better prepare for a possible relationship?
A couple is giving and receiving. What am I willing to give, what am I ready to receive? We must know how to put the reality back to expectations, needs and desires and learn to navigate between dreams and reality so that the couple does not fail and do not shipwreck because the pitfall of reality has spoiled dreams.
Should one have accepted his loneliness and live it well to be able to live with two?
It is often thought that "it is thanks to this other that I am going to be happy", "it is up to the other to make me feel good". No ! It's up to me to make me feel good. The other must not be there to fill our loneliness and repair us. To be able to live together, you have to take care of your needs alone and be able to satisfy them.
Should we wait for chance or provoke meetings in search of the soul-sister?
It's both at once! I live my life, I go out, I meet people. I welcome the present moment and accept chance, which is a formidable companion; Moreover, it is chance that makes the best met. Set up actions such as participating in speed dating, frequenting clubs singles or register on a website meet are all things that favor chance always by being good with oneself.
Can we say that we are ready for great love when we feel able to make concessions and renunciations?
Identifying the differences in values and needs with respect to each other is necessary, but not only in concessions and renunciations. For there are renunciations that are unacceptable to oneself, otherwise it would be a profound denial. If we force things, we go into frustrations that will eventually cause aggression and conflict. Accepting that the other can live activities alone and that everyone can have their territory, is also accepting that things mature and allow later ability to make concessions and renouncements more easily by respecting its pace and that of the other.
Some telltale signs that could make us understand that we are perhaps ready to love with a great A?
To want to commit oneself is to accept that the other will not be exactly as I want them to be and to accept that love will evolve, that there is a challenge and that I want to take up the challenge. It is also to say that I accept the conflicts and necessarily I know that I will exceed them since both of us have the resources.I am in the opening of the heart, I can trust myself and trust the other. And to recall the wonderful quote of Saint Exupery "To love, it is to be born" ... So much more than to love, the great love would be a new birth.
