October 22, 2021

I do not idealize it anymore, but I do not like it less

"I have been married to Martin for 11 years and we have three children, two years ago he cheated on me with one of his ex-boys, an incarnation that was a difficult time, when we had trouble communicating. Martin had professional problems and I think in hindsight that I did not know how to support him as he expected, he found refuge in the arms of this woman.
When I learned it, I hated both of them. I cried a lot, I felt shattered. I decided to go back to save our family, but the heart was not there, I did not trust him anymore and he lost his prestige in my eyes. At each disagreement, I made him pay for this infidelity. Despite my decision to stay with him, I was sad, I resented him so much.
Then the water ran under the bridges. Martin was trying to show me his tenderness and love as he had never done before. I thought for myself and decided to really forgive him. One evening, we went to dinner one-on-one, and there, after a long and beautiful discussion with him, I could really formulate a pardon and give him all my confidence. I also apologized for leaving him alone when he was in pain.
This forgiveness has freed us both. Today, I love my husband despite his weaknesses. I love him differently: I do not idealize him anymore, but I do not like him less.
However, his unfaithfulness hurt me so much that I am not sure if I will be guilty of a recidivism. "
Armelle, 37 years old



10 Early Signs of a Toxic Relationship (October 2021)