September 25, 2021

Independence within the couple: to live happily, live separately?

The couple fusional, which shares everything and where one lives through the other, is a model that has crossed time and history. Today, the tendency is rather to cultivate one's individuality and the love of fusion remains a far-off ideal for many of you. The statistics on divorces only confirm this new situation (in Paris, one marriage out of two ends in a divorce). So how to stay welded while preserving its independence? Will the solution be to take each one home? Here are a few tips. The couples who manage to cross the milestone of dozens of years of common life by being always happy to be together and without being dependent on each other, are an exception. To watch closely, these couples are not fusional and each has found a balance in the life of two, while preserving its autonomy.


In the couple, it's about defining together your limits and your respective freedoms. Independence does not mean that everyone must lead a life totally dissolute without respect the other, but to have each one's own life, outside the shadow of the spouse. Together, you can define how far each of you can go: solo holidays, week-ends with your friends, evenings with friends or even small flirts (no consequences) ...


Everyone can have more or less long moments of loneliness or withdrawal to better find you then with your half. Some couples have made their way of working: once a quarter, why not take a weekend of bachelor between friends? The reunion will be only better and this withdrawal can help preserve the flame. Having a small space of freedom can not suffocate ...


As everyone knows, the routine is the enemy of the couple : for do not get tired, it is important to surprise each other as often as possible ... couple is the union of two completely different people, united under the same roof. Everyone must be aware of their own individuality and must respect each other in its singularity


Is the fusion within a couple the way of longevity? In some couples, this state of fusion is very well lived and nobody feels threatened by the other because everyone lives very well his individuality. But passed the case of the passion, if you want your couple hard, it will have to learn to pass the course of love fusion.


In practice, this fusion is not always idyllic, one may lose his identity and drown himself completely in the relationship. This pattern characterizes relationships of dependence, which in the long term may be badly experienced by one of the two partners.


Some, to protect themselves from the wear of the couple, prefer to live separately. This formula allows you to keep all the advantages of the single life and keep only the best of the relationship: outings, romantic parties, weekends ... Each appointment is a new meeting where the seduction is renewed and allows each time to discover another facet of the personality of the other ...
These couples who live apart are certainly in the minority and it is especially the thirty-year-olds who have adopted this formula (when they have no children) to escape the routine and erosion of couple with time. In general, these are people who have already experienced a disastrous traditional married life. Living apart is the guarantee of the longevity of their relationship.


The price of this independence can be expensive : having separate housing can be very expensive, especially in big cities where rents are exorbitant.


Generally, couples share the same universe and the fusional side extends to the same friends. And when a couple separates, usually these quickly choose their camps. Cultivate your individuality and if your spouse does not appreciate your surroundings, he is not obliged to support it and you do not have to draw a line on them to satisfy him.


Sometimes these "new generation" couples each live their own sexual experiences. For them, the relationship is enriched by external encounters. In this case, you take the risk that one of the two partners falls in love ...
Our advice
To protect your couple, multiply solo activities as soon as you can to better find yourself later: this will allow you to have an exchange on your respective experiences so as not to fall into the routine.


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