Infidelity: must we forgive?
"Yes, it's possible," says Sylvie Tennenbaum, "we can forgive a punctual incarceration." It's more difficult when it comes to a long-term extramarital adventure, usually indicative of a more great malaise. "
The therapist met many couples in crisis after a infidelity. Many decide to give their story a chance. The reasons ?
Thelove of the spouse, the feeling of having built something strong together, the desire to preserve children, or, less admirable, the fear of loneliness especially among middle-aged women.
Not seen not caught !
For Sylvie Tennenbaum, a fleeting adventure must not call into question a couple in good health. But when a man decides to be unfaithful, to have an adventure, he takes a risk to his couple.
"If all goes well, it is better not to say anything, it is useless", advises the therapist, to whom many women confide in consultation: "if he deceives me, I prefer not to know it".
When a marriage flies, admit the marriageinfidelity can then initiate a constructive discussion, with positive effects: wake up a couple who had a tendency to fall asleep, remember that nothing is acquired, give the opportunity to make a point, to realize how much we love each other ...
Injury of love ... clean
In the experience of "deceived", forgiveness is not self-evident. The wound comes back too often to the mind. Confidence is seriously shaken, the pedestal of the debulled spouse and the self-esteem weakened (if he went to see elsewhere, it is that I am null, lousy, etc).
"It takes a lot of time,love and a minimum of self-esteem to forgive, says Sylvie Tennenbaum, but forgiveness is possible because deep down, a deception hurts thelove own more than thelove. "
Forgive or live with?
In their experience, women need to feel that repentance is sincere to forgive, to renew their trust. Sylvie Tennebaum distinguishes also forgive and "live with". "Once we have forgiven," she says, "theinfidelity should not be used as an argument in disputes coupleit means that one renews one's confidence. "
