August 4, 2020

It is not authoritarian, what to do?

Many moms complain about the lack of authority of their mate. These women represent the authority when the dad is more discreet. What to do to temper?

Should only one parent be authoritarian?

It is important for parents to agree with each other by applying the rules imposed on their children themselves. They will both be a model for their cherub, figures of attachment.
Both parents must instill in the child essential values. They need to coach him to provide emotional security and discipline by reinforcing the positive without systematically using punishment. Parents must also highlight autonomy, play and give them access to the forbidden.
It is necessary to leave a margin of maneuver to the child by leaving it to create, to invent and to discover its own limits: an educational "risk taking".
Opposition in a child is normal and constructive. If there is sanction, it must be in direct connection with the prohibited and not respected. The important thing for parents will be to provide adapted and balanced answers.

How not to pass for "the bad guy"?

A child will easily distinguish two worlds concerning parents: the good guys and the bad guys. The wicked hurt, the good no. Malice can become physical or psychological abuse. It is important to know which parent one is in order to be able to reflect and question the educational modes.

A child must respect his parents without fearing them. The authority will allow the child to acquire the fundamental prohibitions. These questions will be different depending on the age of the child and its development.

The evolution of the child will be a question of balance and communication. He needs to be guided in his actions. Without explanation, authoritarian behavior will be ineffective and even dangerous if it breeds fear or mistrust.

We must take the time to explain to the child why the prohibition exists and that it is compatible with parental love. Posting tags will provide effective insurance to the child.

How to build an authoritarian regime — and how to stop one | Timothy Snyder (August 2020)