April 1, 2020

My child does not want to lend his toys, what to do?

A child, in the natural state, is a little egocentric being who must learn to leave the immediacy of his desires to take into account those of others. With age, children are more and more interested in other children and the games they can play together. This supposes that they integrate a very abstract notion for them: sharing.

Before 3 years, children do not really know how to play together. They can observe themselves but have trouble exchanging balloons, dolls, teddy bears, etc. If our parents' duty is to explain to them the notion of property ("Non, this ball belongs to the little boy "), it is sometimes more difficult to explain to them that they can lend their toys ("la little girl just wants to watch your doll. She will give it back to you.").

If they are not allowed to touch other people's toys, why should they give their toys? It is therefore necessary to have a coherent and constant speech: one can look at a toy of another child if he agrees, but it must be returned. Conversely, another child can look at your child's toys but he has to give back too. And, of course, the lollipop or the blanket: it's personal. For other children as for him.

After 3 years, your child must be able to understand the notion of sharing: if you want to play the toboggan, it's your turn. If we want to ask another child to play with us, we offer him a toy. In any relationship, you need a balance. The other children must also lend him toys and exchange. The feeling of justice is a very strong feeling in your child.
Our advice
Respecting the wishes of our children on toys that are dear to them and that belong to them can be the best attitude for your child to relax: if he does not feel forced, if he can keep very personal toys, he can then learn to say yes. It is sometimes necessary to say a lot of no before knowing how to say yes! But when he's lending a toy, congratulate him saying it's generous and the other child is happy.

How To Get Your Parents to Say Yes To Anything (April 2020)