Know how to be accepted by children
- Do not try to be loved at all costs children. The right attitude is to keep a certain neutrality and a little distance. Better to let the children to yourself and be aware that integrating into a family lifestyle takes time!
- We must accept to be the unloved children Firstly. In other words, it takes a good emotional maturity!
- Two mistakes not to commit: use strategies of seduction with children and place themselves in rivalry with the relative separate. A child do not let criticize his relative, as "guilty" as it is!
Intervening or not in education
- It is better to avoid interfering in the field unless the other relative demand and creates a "contract" in front of children. One can only have authority if one is recognized in this role by one's partner. But it also takes everyday life, experience with children before taking this place. It's also easier when the relative separated is "present" in education.
- When the newcomer is a man, he does not always feel the urge to take on this educational role. In the opposite direction, it is more delicate because the mother-in-law often has to deal with everyday life. At some point, she must be able to say: "go and tidy your room". The father must designate it in the presence of children, and delegate authority to him.
To manage the tensions
- You have to talk to each other, to name the difficult feelings. We often find that children on the other are badly bred. In reality, it is difficult to accept the difference, to integrate these children that we did not do. You have to recognize these relationship difficulties and tell your partner: "I have trouble with your child, I do not know how to do it ... "rather than attacking him on the theme" your son is badly bred ... "
- A work on oneself is necessary to accept the difference and to recognize the suffering of the other. This approach requires questioning, it takes a lot of humility!
- Everyday, we can propose a charter of life together, a rule of the game with the children so that everyday life goes well.
Some "facilitating" factors
- When the previous parental couple has solved their problems and the relationship is pacified, it facilitates reconstruction.
The age of children also influences: plus children are young, the more the link is created "naturally".
- It has been noted that relations between children the first two beds are generally good. And when a baby is born of the reformed couple, it brings the new family closer, legitimizes the new couple in the eyes of the children and creates security.