Should everything be said in the couple?
Know yourself before
"The word" everything "means nothing and it is important to tell yourself what is important," said Sylvie Tenenbaum, a psychotherapist from couple.
It is up to everyone to judge what is essential, useful to reveal to others about their history. If the couple is certainly not a confessional, it is necessary to tell each other to know each other better and to understand each other's attitudes. According to the psychotherapist, "for a couple he must know himself and therefore be aware of important things about each spouse. We can not love someone we do not know; we will appreciate it, we will be attracted but there will be no real love. I think it is important to dare to say what we do not dare to say as the relationship progresses. Otherwise it builds up and small daily difficulties become big problems and emerge months or even years later disproportionately. "
Keep your garden secret
Warning ! It does not mean to make an inventory of his ex or other! You can keep your garden secret on events, emotions, dreams, provided you respect that of his or her partner. "I am rather extroverted and I learned, notes Géraldine, 38, that it was not useful to tell her life too much to her partners, I think especially the previous stories oflove. We must preserve his secret garden. There are things a man does not like to hear. "
Do not be ashamed of your past
All our experiences, good or bad, are part of our experience. Some are certainly more difficult to express, but why be ashamed of its past? For 41-year-old Isabelle, telling some of her life stories to her future husband was a necessity. "I did some nonsense during my adolescence, nothing serious, but I ran away twice, I smoked a lot of joints. I attended boys not very "frequentable". Coming from a middle-class background, I wanted to get away from it. My husband never judged me for that. In his eyes, it was my story, he was glad I told him about it. But all of this has no impact on our lives. One rarely arrives virgin of any past in a relation, the other therefore has the right not to accept it.
Choose the right moment
It is however essential to choose the right moment to express oneself. Better not to say intimate things too quickly. You have to know each other well, have a certain complicity, trust. "When you have something that is harder to tell, you also have to know how to choose your words," says Sylvie Tenenbaum, "do not use the word" confess ", for example, which immediately implies the idea of fault. Do not delay, hesitate to express it because you will have the impression of being at fault and this can sometimes destabilize a couple. I met a couple whose man could no longer bear the maniaquerie of his wife. During a therapy session, she confessed that she had a very long time in bed and that she still felt dirty, hence this phobia of cleanliness. From there he understood and accepted. "
"The word" everything "means nothing and it is important to tell yourself what is important," said Sylvie Tenenbaum, a psychotherapist from couple.
It is up to everyone to judge what is essential, useful to reveal to others about their history. If the couple is certainly not a confessional, it is necessary to tell each other to know each other better and to understand each other's attitudes. According to the psychotherapist, "for a couple he must know himself and therefore be aware of important things about each spouse. We can not love someone we do not know; we will appreciate it, we will be attracted but there will be no real love. I think it is important to dare to say what we do not dare to say as the relationship progresses. Otherwise it builds up and small daily difficulties become big problems and emerge months or even years later disproportionately. "
Keep your garden secret
Warning ! It does not mean to make an inventory of his ex or other! You can keep your garden secret on events, emotions, dreams, provided you respect that of his or her partner. "I am rather extroverted and I learned, notes Géraldine, 38, that it was not useful to tell her life too much to her partners, I think especially the previous stories oflove. We must preserve his secret garden. There are things a man does not like to hear. "
Do not be ashamed of your past
All our experiences, good or bad, are part of our experience. Some are certainly more difficult to express, but why be ashamed of its past? For 41-year-old Isabelle, telling some of her life stories to her future husband was a necessity. "I did some nonsense during my adolescence, nothing serious, but I ran away twice, I smoked a lot of joints. I attended boys not very "frequentable". Coming from a middle-class background, I wanted to get away from it. My husband never judged me for that. In his eyes, it was my story, he was glad I told him about it. But all of this has no impact on our lives. One rarely arrives virgin of any past in a relation, the other therefore has the right not to accept it.
Choose the right moment
It is however essential to choose the right moment to express oneself. Better not to say intimate things too quickly. You have to know each other well, have a certain complicity, trust. "When you have something that is harder to tell, you also have to know how to choose your words," says Sylvie Tenenbaum, "do not use the word" confess ", for example, which immediately implies the idea of fault. Do not delay, hesitate to express it because you will have the impression of being at fault and this can sometimes destabilize a couple. I met a couple whose man could no longer bear the maniaquerie of his wife. During a therapy session, she confessed that she had a very long time in bed and that she still felt dirty, hence this phobia of cleanliness. From there he understood and accepted. "
