mum
November 25, 2020

Should we really offer him what he asks?

The baggy pants
"My 12-year-old son asked me for" Baggy "clothes, these very wide pants that fall on the buttocks and do not please me ... But for which I gave in memory of the teenager that I was at his age, I still resist for the mobile phone and a modern gaming console.He already has the old model in front of which he spends hours. ChristmasI prefer to give him a bike, even if it's more expensive. At least he is spending outside! "
Geraldine, mother of Paul, 12 years old.

The opinion of the psychiatrist : "This mom makes the sympathetic step of remembering her teenage years, but she is right not to give up on the new console because her son already has one, and the laptop is not essential to his age, and is often racketeered in colleges. "By buying Baggy pants to her teenager, this mom can add an explanation that he can not wear these pants in all circumstances." OK for the weekend with friends, but surely not at Grandma's birthday ... "


Join the useful to the pleasant
"Godmother of a little girl who will be 13 years old, I decided to always offer her for Christmas a gift that combines business with pleasure. I never asked her what she wanted, because on the one hand I do not want to give in to a trend, and on the other hand I prefer that she has a real surprise. I remember giving him a cassette player to listen to music or a history book in which we see the evolution of a city from prehistoric times to our time. Last year, I confess I still gave in to the trend by buying him a sleeveless jacket. To be sure to please him (that's still the goal!) I rely on his tastes and I wonder if I would have liked to receive the same gift at the same age. "
Sandrine, godmother of Elodie, 13 years old.

The opinion of the psychiatrist : "To join the useful with the pleasant, it is not necessarily to celebrate the child.There are children who like surprises and others not too much.This godmother makes the effort to find a gift in harmony with the age of his godchild, but based on his tastes at the same age, but fashions change and today's little girls do not want the same toys than those of yesterday. In wanting to do well, the godmother is perhaps a little dirigiste.


The vulgar doll
"At the beginning of December last year, it is the usual review of the catalogs of toys with my niece and goddaughter, aged eight. Without hesitation for a moment, she points to these famous little dolls with big heads, low-waisted trousers and wedge heels. In short, very trendy, but mostly quite vulgar. Although I invoke the lack of aesthetic and dazzle gifts more "educational", my niece cut short any negotiation: "I love it too much, and all my girlfriends have ordered that". I capitulate, telling myself that after all, it's not my daughter and I do not have to intervene in her choices. Once within the radius of a giant of the toyit is consternation. Definitively, this toy do not fit me. After endless tugging, whereabouts and other hesitations, I finally sit on my pretty principles of education. The doll was bought, my godchild filled. But for sure, the next time we will not get back to it! "
Pascal, sponsor of Hélène, 8 years old.

The opinion of the psychiatrist : "This godfather is paying attention to his godchild, he has tried to negotiate, to argue, to suggest something else, but he decides to make him happy for Christmas. If he does not allow himself as a godfather, to accompany his gift with a small comment, one can imagine that parents, while choosing to satisfy their daughter in an occasion like Christmas, tell him that this doll vehicle, according to them, an aspect of femininity not very rewarding ... "


Guns
"I clearly refuse to offer my son toys representing terrible weapons. Thank God, he is not attracted by these kinds of dolls "Rambo" for little boys.But I confess to having given up on pistols, like Cowboys, because most boys play them and depriving them of them could provoke frustration, which might have worse consequences than the fights they indulge in. between them to have fun ... But I limit him regularly refusing a request for a new gun. For the order to the Father Christmasas long as he believes it, it becomes easier to direct the choices, saying that in any case, the final decision is up to the Father Christmas. This will obviously be complicated when he will not believe it anymore! "
Manuella, mother of Raphael, 6 years old.

The opinion of the psychiatrist : "This mother is right to have given up for guns, because all the little boys want and make them, but she is also right to limit. toy gives the child the feeling of belonging to a group. Children hate to feel different, so do not always refuse them toy from the moment. But it is good to explain to a little boy that he does not have the right to fight in class, that it is a game, in short, to channel his aggressiveness. "



Ask Steve Harvey: Asking Him If We're In a Relationship | Oprah's Lifeclass | Oprah Winfrey Network (November 2020)