An "aggressive" independence
The model of the couple has changed enormously in a few years. Catherine Serrurier, therapist of the couple, recalls: "Sixty years ago, married women gave their all to their husbands.He was the one who knew, who went out in the world, protected and fed his family."
Since women have become their equal, men have experienced a small, extraordinary inner revolution.
The therapist observes that today, many young women claim loudly to be able to do without men. "Powerful, ultra-independent women are often scary of men, and in some there is even a tendency to reduce men to temporary lovers."
The sex therapist Gérard Leleu, in The new man explained to womenThe same observation is made: "Women have experienced a legitimate revolt against a patriarchal system, which has sometimes resulted in the imitation of male behaviors denounced.These women, qualified as" amazons "are harsh, vindictive, and In wanting to liberate themselves, they have adopted male transgressions and contribute to the perpetuation of the war between the sexes. "
The man is a "giant at the feet of clay" likes to remind Sylvain Mimoun, andrologist. He is sensitive and fears blows.
Cries, complaints and claims
"The female behavior that infuriates men the most," says Catherine Serrurier, "are the cries and the demands."
According to the therapist, this behavior is the opposite of what a man expects from a woman. Unconsciously, his partner must send back the image of the mother, sweet and welcoming. It's a bit caricatural, but he's waiting for him at the "rest of the warrior".
"One thing is certain, says Catherine Serrurier, a man who finds every evening his wife angry, ready to pour out a lot of reproaches, will start to return more and more later at home!"
More difficult commitment
Why do men run away when we start talking about "projects"?
There is no doubt a gap of maturity between the partners, suggests the specialist.
A 30-year-old man is not always ready to consider starting a family while his partner has been thinking about it for a few years now. Many do not feel able to take charge of a family.
"Engaging today seems more difficult, analyzes Catherine Serrurier.Previous generations had more idealistic ardor and less anxiety related to the feeling of insecurity (increased divorce, professional instability, unemployment ...). With the progress of psychology, we are also more demanding on the relationship. "
How to reassure men?
Women should be more attentive to their partner, advises Catherine Serrurier, which is not so easy because they express little feelings. It is better to be sure of knowing the opinion of the other, to question him gently, to be patient.
A man understood and reassured reveals himself of very good will. They also like to hear that they are great, powerful, and that we need them. "Compliments are fertilizer for men!" Concludes the therapist.
"For a woman to make me flee, it takes a lot, but I have a hard time enduring the girls cold, haughty, stuck and without humor." Marc, 35 years old.
The permanent complaint
"I'm going to be a big macho, push an open door, but women, too often tend to complain.They see the glass half-empty, while on my side, I'll always see half-full. And when a girl turns regularly into a wall of lamentations, frankly, yes, it makes me run away! "Olivier, 32 years old.
"I am very wary of very narcissistic women, their need to be reassured makes them fragile and touching, but some of them turn out to be real hysterics, and I have painfully done it once. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sleep in some women, and behind a charming facade, a fury is sometimes revealed ... "Grégoire, 28 years old.
"I could not feel the slightest attraction for a woman who neglects herself, who does not bring a minimum of care to her presentation.The girls who do not depilate, for example, it is unacceptable.I do not expect a girl to be pompous and hyper sophisticated, but there is a minimum! "Jeau-Philippe, 37 years old.
The child-marriage story
"Girls who at the end of a six-month relationship launch" Are you for marriage? "," Do you want to have a child? " " Soon ? "... it makes me want to take my legs in my neck, not that it scares me, but the eagerness of this kind of questions puffs me in. We can not enjoy today?" Luke, 29 years.
"The impossibility of arguing, the pretense, the stupidity that other men find sexy are behaviors that make me flee to a woman." Antoine, 27 years old.