mum
March 28, 2024

The 6 little phrases to avoid in front of your child

You're lazy, you're mean, you're a real pig ...
Pronounced daily, the little phrases of this kind are perceived by psychologists as "labels" or "final judgments" and have a very heavy impact on children. "The labels applied to thechild are always discouraged. Thechild will tend to conform to it, why try to change, since anyway I am like that? Explains Anne Bacus, Psychologist. In response, thechild endorse the bad, and even worse, may end up believing he's really mean or lazy.

You make me mad, you make me sick, you make me sad ...
Why should they be avoided? Because they feel guilty about wanting tochild who moreover will feel rejected. This accusation is unfair, thechild should not be held responsible for the state of stress or sadness in which his mother is. Especially since it is most often an accumulation of things of everyday life that he is not responsible for: work, fatigue, disputes ... These sentences also sound like an admission: you are outdated by his behavior, you are therefore powerless. Thechild will then feel almighty and will continue to disobey.
What to say: "I do not like your behavior" or "What you do is not good".

Me at your age, I dressed already alone!
Not only do you emphasize the incompetence of your child to do such and such thing but even worse, you install a feeling of competition with for main rival: you even! But a parent is a role model who must accompany, help and guidechild to success, as small as it is. Thechild wants more than anything to become the competent adult that is his father or mother. "It's a good thing to talk about yourself when you were little ... as long as you did not do it in the" me, I got there "mode, explains Stéphane Clerget, a child psychiatrist. It is not because he does not accomplish a single task alone, such as eating alone or getting dressed by himself, that he will not become a competent adult.
What to say, "I'm sure you'll get there."

Your sister she at least ... / You should take a model on your brother
In a sibling, nothing is ever very simple so no need to put oil on the fire! By taking the brother or sister as an example of good behavior you risk locking up your child in a feeling of resentment and jealousy towards his brother or sister, but also to destroy the self-confidence he tends to build. Do not make comparisons and just explain what you expect from him!

What to say: "I expect you to be more helpful" or "I would like you to be more attentive to your work".

With you it's always the same thing!
In other words, "I can never trust you." So you let your child as usual, you can not count on him. So you lock him into a role that does not give him the opportunity to change. Moreover, it will not seek to change, since as this sentence emphasizes it is so, with him it's always the same thing! Be careful of labels because once glued, they are difficult to remove ...
What to say: "You promised to tidy up your room" or "Next time, I wish I could count on you".

I do not love you anymore / I'm really sick of you!
The love we have for a childthe love he perceives is the main foundation of his construction. This is the basis. "A child needs to know that the love of his parents does not vary according to this or that behavior "explains Stéphane Clerget. The danger is that he will end up believing you do not like him anymore. Ors, a child need the love of his parents to grow and adopt the right behaviors.
What to say: "I do not like your behavior"



10 Things You Should Never Say to Teens (March 2024)