What to do when he / she does not want a child?
Why no ?
First step: find out what is preventing him from making you a child. His arguments :
"Not right now, this is not the moment." The good news is that your half does not permanently give up to become a parent: children, he wants some, but not now. The bad thing is that we will have to wait! Stay open to dialogue, do not make him feel guilty, after all, maybe his reasons are valid.
You are a couple recently, you do not ride on gold and can not afford to move to a bigger apartment for now, you are still very young, he / she has already had children of a previous union and want to wait a little before starting again, etc. There may be dozens of reasons. The point is to make sure they are not false excuses.
"I do not feel ready, not up to it." Yet, according to you, all the conditions are right for you to become parents. Your couple is solid, you do not have money problem, you both have time to devote to your little one. The refusal of your half is probably due to his fear of not being up to it, to do everything upside down, to be a bad father.
Being a parent is a heavy responsibility, hence his reluctance. However, caring for a child is learned as and when preparation is now possible. There are countless books, manuals, magazines, websites, coaches, support classes and other help for future parents. Not to mention your entourage who can be an expert on the subject. Speak with your other half, show yourself reassuring. Does he / she have doubts? Nothing more normal, you happen to have some!
"I do not have parental fiber." It's beyond you! For years, you've been waiting for that: to give life, to rock your child in his arms, to watch him grow, to blossom, to introduce him to football, judo or to make cakes. And yet, this is not the case for your half.
We must believe that we are not all destined to become parents and that the couple life is enough for some. Bottle feeding, diapers, crying and shouting prefer calm, tranquility and the company of adults. In addition to being an immense responsibility, the arrival of a child involves the upheaval of everyday life, your habits, schedules, concerns. You have to find another balance, adapt your lifestyle to your new status, that of dad or mom. And it seems that some, like your spouse, feel neither the desire nor the need.
Do not give up
Second step: how to react and how to try to motivate your partner without disgusting him?
Your half wants to have a child, but later? It will take patience, you change the ideas so that it does not turn to the obsession, without losing sight of your objective. Spend time with the children of your loved ones, and tell them how happy it is. Without harassing him, talk to him about first names, baby room, stuffed animals, etc. Gently prepare your friend for the day he / she will finally be mom or dad. And ladies, it goes without saying: do not make him a child in the back, you could disgust him for good!
Despite your encouragement (or threats) and patience, your spouse still can not seem to be a parent. His "no" remains categorical. In this case, the ultimatum "a baby or break" seems to be your last option.
First hypothesis: it works, he / she yields. You may know that a child wants to two, you keep hope, his parenting fiber could wake up at the sight of your little one. Second hypothesis: nothing works, it is always no. If your desire to be a parent is stronger than the love you carry to your half, then it's time to go in search of the person who will make you the most beautiful gifts ...
They witness
Maïlys, 28 years old, accountant
"I first claimed a child at Robin four years ago, we had been together for only fourteen months but it was stronger than me, I had to become a mother, I insisted for six months but he was not near, so I left him, before begging him to take me back a few months later, realizing my stupidity, about a year and a half ago, we had our little Solal .Needless to say, I have been the happiest woman ever since. My darling did well to make me wait, even if my patience was not always there! The next ? Soon I hope !"
Muriel, 56 years old
"I married very young, surely too much, I soon realized that my husband would never want to be burdened with babies at home, and around thirty I started to worry, I did not want to finish without So I tried to tell him that he was depriving me of something fundamental ... Unfortunately, I was not brave enough, too submissive, and I did not know how to change his mind. I am a widow and childless, and I regret not having fought hard for what I wanted. "
Benoît, 33, interior designer
"We always say that it's the men who refuse to have children, but in my case it's the opposite, I've been with Marianne for 7 years and married with her for 4 years, and she still feels not ready ... I wanted to be a dad at the age of thirty, it's a failure, I'm less and less in the way, I'm doing everything I can to bring him gently to change my mind, I'm only wiping If in a year she still has not decided to make a baby, I will be forced to leave despite all the love I have for her. "
Tina, 37, stylist
"My friend and I agreed on one thing: we did not want a child - I remember it was such a relief for me when Remi told me the news after a few months of relationship. a surprise awaited us ... A few weeks after this discussion, I discovered that I was pregnant! And the height of the excitement: twins Jules and Louise are now three years old and make us happy. Fate does things well ... "
