Can we tell everyone else?
Can we all say in a couple and is it really necessary? Does knowing everything about the other allow a deeper love relationship even if what you learn is not very funny, moral or legal? What should we allow ourselves to share and what should we prefer to keep silent? Interview with Yvon Dallaire, psychologist, sexologist, trilogy specialist on marital happiness and author of many books on the couple of whom Little happy couples exercise book to Jouvence editions.
The relationship has just started and very quickly we want to know everything about her boyfriend. How far can one go in knowing each other during a meeting? From which questions can one be intrusive?
Essentially, it would be necessary to be able to say everything in a couple, but it is really not necessary to do it. Everyone must feel free to answer or not the questions of the other. For one, the question may seem intrusive while it will not be for the other. It's very relative.
To say everything about oneself to another, is not this a way of waiting in return for the other to tell us everything?
There is no doubt that the opening of one can facilitate the opening of the other, but everyone is entitled to his secret garden. It is even fashionable to keep some aura of mystery around you.
How long can we talk about our traumas experienced in the past?
My past belongs only to me. It's up to me to draw the right lessons. Nothing forces us to talk about it.
How far can we tell our stories with our exs?
What happened with our exs must stay with our exs
If the other does not want to hear about our love affair, should we respect it?
Everyone, as said, has the right to keep his past for himself, in his secret garden. The relationship starts today, yes or no? And must be built from today.
Should we talk about all his fantasies to his partner or his experiences?
The more information you give your partner about your past or your fantasies, the more he or she can take this into account or use this information as weapons if the relationship goes wrong.
It happens that sometimes in the couple, one is crossed by a desire for novelty. Must we confess to the other his temptations of adultery?
It's a great way to minimize them, as long as the other person is centered enough not to react with jealousy.
Should we admit an infidelity?
Only if we want to become faithful again and not to discharge (it loads the partner), let alone if we have already decided to separate.
What does this desire to want to tell all tell?
To tell everything and to know everything? Probably a great desire to merge. But love and intimacy have nothing to do with fusion. Perhaps also an attempt to know everything to better control the other.
Should we wait for a fight to break the abscess and admit the unspoken?
Biting the abscess will splash both partners. It's better to express your needs, not your frustrations. Expressing one's needs increases the likelihood of seeing them satisfied.
What do you have to say often to be a happy couple?
It's simple! Happy couples say 5 to 10 times more compliments than reproaches. And do not try to know everything about each other because the members of happy couples respect the territory and sensibilities of the other.
Everything can be said in a couple, but is it really necessary? All knowledge will not necessarily increase love especially if what you learn is not very funny, moral or legal ... Everyone has the right to his story. When two people meet, that's where their story begins. Why want to go back to the past? Why not trust yourself in choosing a partner and trusting your partner ... until proven otherwise. No couple can survive if everyone does not respect each other's territory and does not fully trust each other. One + one is not one, but three: you + me + us.
For more information: //www.yvondallaire.com
