Should we let his baby cry?
Every night, it's the same dilemma: baby crying and you do not know if you have to rely on your mother's empirical knowledge ("oh let him cry a little, it's cinema!") or the half-dozen reports you just stuffed on the subject ("the babies do not make fancies "). To unravel the good of the bad, nothing better than the opinion of a specialist: Dr. Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist and author of Pédopsy de Poche (Marabout editions).
From what age should one distinguish the vital crying of the infant to the whimpering of the great baby ?
It's not about being peremptory: everything is a function of baby, the mother and their story. In any case, in the case of a baby Who cries, whatever its age, must first ensure that there is no physical problem or vital need, whether food or cats simply need. The need for hugs is a physical need like any other and a child who does not get enough hugs does not make a whim but claims his dose of exchange, time and contact.
All the tears so deserve to be lingered?
When a baby weep, there is always something. After, it is not necessarily a vital need, that is to say that it can be boredom but it's still something. Then everything depends on how we respond. But it is essential that we go see what it is, go "diagnose" these tears. If we see that the demand is just of the order of boredom and that we have other things that we think are more essential to do at the moment, we can let it cry.
But how do you make sure it's just boredom that makes him cry?
This story of crying occurs especially at bedtime, since during the day we generally know how to answer it and thatchild is rarely alone, and it's pretty easy to spot, no matter how oldchild When we are there he does not cry, and as soon as we leave he starts to cry. From the moment we make sure that it is full, that it is not thirsty, that it is not painful or that it does not need to be changed, we can accept and bear his tears.
Should bedtime always be synonymous with tears?
It is normal that some children cry before sleeping. These are often children tonic who want to make the most of it and push the limits, assets that have trouble letting go and sometimes children of parents who themselves do not necessarily have fun sleeping. When the parents like to sleep, it's often contagious and thechild has more facilities to sleep. It can also be children anxious to whom sleep time and therefore separated from parents may seem long. But a certain autonomy must be acquired. These evening crying are almost part of the ritual for some childrenthat is, they need to go through there to fall asleep. You should know that crying causes the secretion of endorphins, which help to calm down and promote sleep, so they are not useless crying.
Is there no emotional risk to leaving a baby to scream like that before falling asleep?
We do not let him cry all night but 10 minutes, usually enough that he falls asleep. And if that's not enough, we can go see, calm down a little and space the returns. It must be considered as an apprenticeship and it is very important because many adults can not fall asleep alone or fall asleep at all. A study recently showed that at 1am, 1 in 4 Frenchmen was still awake. We are the people who take the most sleeping pills, so there is a real problem of falling asleep. It's very small that things are set up. The ability to fall asleep alone is something that can be learned from an early age and can not be learned in fusion, violence or deficiency. It is an autonomy that is acquired gradually and not suddenly, like walking. What bothers me about it is the underlying aggression related to the guilt of parents. That is to say that in all the formulas we often hear as "good, that's enough now, I let you cry!" We can not help but be aggressive.But there is no need to be! If he cries, well we are sad for him: we do not need to be firm and severe. We can show him that we are sorry by saying to him with tenderness: "listen, I am sad for you but it is like that, you must learn how to fall asleep alone".
