Why is it important to love each other to love each other better?
"Love is not just a feeling, it is an art tooHonoré de Balzac confided to us, one could imagine that in love one of the main rules of the art would be to love oneself so as to be able to love others.Easy to say but not easy to do ... And yet it is possible! How to make his precious relationship to two a work of art? Why is it so important to have love for oneself? How to love to be able to love the Interview and answers with Isabelle Fortin, psychoanalyst, who works on the link between artistic creation and psychoanalysis, she also animates groups of words and practices accompaniment.
GirlsFromMainStreet.com: If I do not love myself, am I in danger of being permanently in need of being loved?
Isabelle Fortin, psychoanalyst: Before answering you, I would like to tell you what I mean by "loving oneself": taking care of one's life, carrying on oneself a benevolent look of lucidity and sweetness, to welcome oneself with one's part of shadow and light ...
We all feel more or less consciously the need to be loved to live. A person who does not love himself has certainly lacked love at a founding moment in his life. The fact, for example, of not having been sufficiently loved or recognized in one's childhood can engender a need for exacerbated love and a perpetual dissatisfaction. We can look for that look that we lacked and that did not allow us to build a positive image of ourselves. Paradoxically, one can sometimes give others - and thus oneself - what one would have liked to receive. I can also unconsciously search for someone like my parents who did not love or love me - to repeat my story and not allow myself to be loved.
If I do not love myself, what non-fulfilling behaviors can I bring to the other?
To seduce, you must be attractive, know how to highlight its assets as a flower that does not hide its fragrance. If I have a negative image of myself, I risk of course projecting these images on my spouse, not to trust him, to be jealous, possessive, to weave a relationship of persecuted-persecutor and not to surrender kind or destroy the love he wants to give me ...
I can also - for fear of losing it - lock myself up and want to lock the other into a fusional relationship where everyone is reduced to an object. When I say, "I love you!", It may mean, "Love me!" ...
By putting too much emphasis on my flaws, I risk destroying my qualities. This is the beautiful parable of wheat and tares. If you take a look at yourself and focus on your weak points, you risk losing your self-esteem, missing out on your strengths, weakening them when they could have helped you grow up to the day of your life. harvest - when the tares naturally separate from the wheat. And this operation can be unfortunately reproduced with his spouse. I see only his faults and the critic constantly.
And if I love myself but the other does not love himself, how can I help him?
You can help him by taking a positive look at him. By welcoming him as he is without comparing him to others. If you are attentive, listening, it will be easier for him to release his "I", his potential, his creativity ... Little by little, he will integrate this new look more rewarding. If he feels loved, he will realize that he is kind. Look at a flower that fades because it ran out of water. If you water it in time, she finds her beauty. And if you have learned to love yourself by putting words on your story and your wounds, then you show him a way.
What are the benefits for the couple if both partners love each other?
This makes it possible to establish a relationship of trust, to enrich one another, to realize oneself by opening towards the outside as the tree that is rooted in the earth to rise to the sky.
This avoids being spoiled in a relationship curled up on itself, imbued with rivalry, jealousy, destructive behavior.
How can I recognize if I love myself enough to love each other?
If I am a good mother and a good father for me, if I take care of my life, of the child who still lives in me, I give myself more chances to love well. To learn to love oneself, to love, is a long trip.
What are the signs that make us think that our partner does not love each other?
A destructive attitude, lack of confidence, mistrust, jealousy, enviousness, difficulty in loving each other as others ...
And if I realize that I do not love myself enough, can I still try a relationship?
Of course. You can learn to love yourself, that is, to love. The romantic encounter will gradually change the look you have on you and magnify you. The human being carries with him a great capacity of rebound to invent his life and not to remain imprisoned in his history.
For more information: //www.psychanalyste-paris14.fr/
