Your mind makes the wipers! Sometimes you want to go back with him and sometimes a little voice tells you that it might be better to let that love go away. Do not panic ! This ambivalence is legitimate. But if we do not want to end like the donkey that ends up dying of hunger and thirst, for not having been able to decide between drinking and eating, we will have to arm ourselves with some solid lights to make the choice that will be the most just for us.
Interview with Catherine Deleuze, a clinical psychologist in Paris who has been answering female readers' letters for ten years and is the author of the book Heart problems, love issues published by Albin Michel.

What are the signs that tell us that our ex still loves us?
Be careful, we must not interpret our reactions according to our desire! For example, if he does not remember, we can imagine that he is shy and he does not dare to return or conversely to say that he has already found another girlfriend. So we must be careful and not project on the other what we hope. The ex will not be recoverable if when you disappear from its landscape, it suits him well and it looks much better. On the other hand, if he is unhappy, that he realized the emptiness after your absence and that he expresses sentences of the type "after all that one has lived ...", then there will be an opportunity to resume the relationship.

Is it easier to recover one's ex when one has been a decision maker of the breakup?
Paradoxically no, because the ex suffered and is therefore suspicious, he lost confidence. It's easier in the other direction when you could imagine the opposite.

What are the concrete motives that should prevent us from wanting to return with him?
There are two reasons why a relationship should be permanently ended:
- The lack of respect for what we are: if it points your flaws and you criticize because it is bad in his skin, it is unacceptable and unacceptable!
- The absence of feelings and tenderness: the other only returns by interest and opportunism or for a sexual reason, it has nothing to do with a real love, do not be fooled!

I do not love him anymore but I remain attached to the relationship. Is it healthy and loyal to want to pick up the pieces anyway?
When we have loved someone, we owe him enough respect not to use it. In order not to let him give false dreams and allow him to rebuild his life quickly, he must be allowed to leave even if, without love, there remains links and tenderness. The question to keep in mind is "What do not you want to be done? It allows you to think twice and to spare the other.

He wants to resume the relationship where it stopped without questioning. A new departure together is it compromised?
The relationship is likely to be difficult. Either we accept because love is stronger by saying to myself I will be more unhappy without him than with him AND his faults. In this case, we redefine the relationship on a new basis. But we can not be one way, it will be necessary for everyone to change a little while knowing that we can not ask the other to change at all.

My ex does not know where he is. Sometimes he wishes to return, sometimes he is chilly at all times. How long should I wait?
Not even a second! For the only way to move him is to realize what he is losing, emptiness and lack. Of course, we take the risk that he goes away and he does not come back. But if this is the case, it is because the relationship was already over on his side even if he tried again to return, probably he was wrong.

My ex comes back but still does not want to engage. Should I take back the relationship with him or finally decide to turn the page?
If we really are in love, then we give ourselves a chance especially if this person respects you, values ​​your qualities and appreciates what you bring him. If there is no exchange, in this case no return! And even more, if you realize that this break brings you, despite the pain, relief. Suddenly, you breathe, a screed of misfortune has risen even if one is sad; this relationship was a confinement.

How to get your ex back when they don’t have feelings for you (May 2024)