January 23, 2020

He blames me for my salary, how to manage?

You are a fulfilled woman with a job which you like and a salary that until today seemed quite decent to you. Except that your companion wins more than you and that his new fashion is to point you out as soon as the opportunity arises.
From now on your daily life is punctuated by "anyway it's me who makes this house live", or "the day when you will earn more than me ..". So much so that you do not dare to offer anything to you fearing the reproaches of your spouse.

Feeling of injustice
You find it really unfair because you work hard. You do more hours than you need a week but you can not do anything if your salary is not up to your efforts. It is important not to feel guilty and to confine yourself. Even less to go into the game of your spouse and prove him right. On the contrary, you do not have to blush for your income.

How to react ?
Do not be fooled! Show your spouse that you are a couple and that the income, whatever the amount, is for the whole family in one way or another. Invite him to put himself in your place and if: the roles were reversed and he earned less than you? Imagine for a few seconds that you belittle him all the time. How would he feel then?
If it helps you, invite him to nice little restaurants, give him a coffee from time to time to show him that even if you earn less than him, with what you have, you like to please him.


Manage the conflict
To avoid confict on income and expenses, keep your autonomy. Have a pool account for household expenses, but each keep a personal account for your respective expenses.


Testimony of Hélène, communication assistant, 41 years old

Do you earn much less than your husband?
We do not have the same kind of job at all, he works only a few days a month while I work full time. In fact, he can easily win twice as much as me.

And he often blames you?
Not all the time, especially during our arguments. His words go beyond his thoughts, and he reproaches me for doing less "boiling the pot" than he does.

How do you react when it happens?
At first I found it very macho and unfair. I am a pretty sensitive woman so it touched me deeply. I even burst into tears. I even thought of leaving him because for me a man who makes such reflections can not be in love. Today, I realized that it was just a little macho behavior and it does not matter to me anymore.



Sadhguru on How To Never Get Angry or Bothered By People (January 2020)