Single parent family: how to find a life of a couple?
Nearly 20% of families are single parents nowadays in France. Over the past decade, the number of families has increased by 300 000. When are we talking about family single parent? When a child lives with only one of his biological parents for several reasons. And what are these reasons: a separation, when the father has never recognized it, in the event of death or adoption by one or single...
... and according to parents' testimonials singlesit is not so much the engagement in the relationship that is scary but the work that will generate this new family network.
The foundations of a couple are not easy to ask and they will be even more complicated to establish for parents ... singles. When do we know that we have to engage in a new relationship? Do you need advice ? The psychologist, Elodie Lecomte, coach for PARSHIP.fr, returns on the apprehension of the parents singles in search of love and the difficulties they encounter in reconciling love life and children's education.
Take the time to take stock of his past in love
"Mourning her previous relationship is a commonly used phrase, but she takes everything its meaning, at the moment of a new emotional engagement ". Indeed, if in front of this nascent love the person fleeing, if the individual takes as a reference past habits or reports with his ex-spouses are not extremely clear, it will obviously require a little more time to advance back to two.
Being honest with oneself to know which direction to take
It is important to be mature and thoughtful, honest with yourself to be honest with someone. potential partner. He / she is entitled to know what kind of relationship he / she should expect. (The decisions of a parent single and his commitment to a spouse will inevitably affect the life of his / her child (ren).
Get help from a psychologist if needed to get rid of bad memories (unwanted breakup, complicated divorce, mourning ...).
How to talk to your children about this new relationship?
The parents singles are reluctant to upset the lives of their children by imposing a new spouse. Hence the need not to engage lightly, to avoid a new separation.
In order for a family recomposition to be as smooth as possible, time must be allowed :
First of all to oneself in the construction of one's relationship and love, and also to one's children in meeting with this new person who will share their life. Indeed, meet the person loved by his parent is, despite all the delicacy of the world, quite disturbing for a child.
At first, this "stranger" will break all his hopes to see his parents again love each other and live together. He also comes to break a daily, a balance that took a long time to resettle.
If this new partner is accompanied by his own children, it will be necessary to compose with new personalities to whom the child was not prepare.
So it's a question of not presenting all the potential lovers who enter the life of a father or mother, but the person with whom the parent intends to rebuild his life. "In this new dynamic to establish, we must allow each time necessary to adjust to the other " says Elodie Lecomte.
Do not feel guilty about rebuilding your life
Some parents singles become trapped in a daily newspaper, centered around their child (ren) and their work. If this results from a balance to be found after a separation, this situation can quickly become heavy and harmful. Very often, it will be the parent who has been left, and for whom this rupture comes to reactivate an anxiety of abandonment.
Either the parent in question is attached to the object of love on which he has the most influence, his / her child (ren), either he will engage who, by his behavior or by the personality of the chosen being, will always be doomed to failure.
These difficulties reappear because the parent single never devoted a time introspection.It is easy to understand that when the person concerned is freed from past blockages and is at peace with herself, she moves forward serenely knowing that she has the right to be loved.
Elodie Lecomte emphasizes: "When this journey is made, the guilt potential for his (her) child (ren) to remake his life with another person does not appear (or more) !".
